This one, however, has a bloody brilliant hook.
Ninety-eight percent of all fictional deaths are directly attributable to being eaten by bears.I have no idea what the rest of the story is about yet, but I loooooooooove this opening.
Bullshit, you say? What about those shooting and stabbings and drownings and beatings and death by Doomed Gay Manlove?
Well, it's not my problem if you can't see the bears.